education for LDS women

I've thought about this a lot. I wrote this post three years ago, and my thoughts have evolved over time (but probably not that much). But it seems like whenever women in the LDS church talk about getting a college degree, the main reason why they do it is because "just in case." "Just in case" my husband dies or we get divorced, "just in case" he loses his job, "just in case" we can't make ends meet. And while I can't really argue with any motivation that gets people to continue their educations, this emphasis on only getting your education so that you "help out" when your Plan A goals of staying at home with your kids falls through bothers me. It's always bothered me. It reeks of gender stereotyping and limiting expectations for both men and women.

It really all goes back to what you think the point of an education is. If an education is really ONLY to help you get a job so that you can make money to have a nice lifestyle and support your kids, then I guess the "just in case" justification makes sense when you're planning on staying at home with said kids. (Not that everyone is, in which case the whole "just in case" argument doesn't make sense anyways. But that's a whole other problem with this argument: why should people assume you're going to stay home anyway? It is and should be your own choice, and though many LDS women choose to stay home, many do not or cannot. But I digress.)

But is that really all an education is? Is that why we are encouraged to "seek . . . out of the best books words of wisdom"?

In my mind, the answer to that is a resounding NO. A contemporary college education may be the ticket to a future paycheck for most people, but it's also our best chance to be taught by experts in their fields, to learn how to learn, to focus specifically on growing intellectually and spiritually instead of on just the mundane necessities of life.* As a student, it only takes a small amount of self-reflection to recognize what your strengths and priorities and passions are--whereas later in life the opportunities to appreciate those may be less apparent. Getting an education should stretch your mind in ways that will help you to become a better version of yourself in the future--more interested in things outside yourself, more appreciative of other people and places, more able to decide and declare your own thoughts, more desirous to use your talents for others' good.

I married Tommy one year before graduating with my bachelor's degree at BYU. We spent our first six months of marriage applying to graduate schools together, him for his PhD and me for my MA. And you know what? I hated doing that MA. I was burned out on school and tired of classes and theoretical discussions. But I learned some really important things about myself during those two years: that I do have subjects of study I'm interested in and might eventually wish to pursue more (like religion and education, hmmm), that I liked teaching college students, and that I was ready to have a baby and that I wanted to stay home with him. (I would definitely not have figured out the first two without that time, and it might have taken longer for me to figure out the last one.) And I got really, really good at writing while I was doing it (sure, mostly academic papers, but it's got to transfer to real life in some way).

Now I'm staying at home with my boy, and I'm really happy doing it. Sure, it's nice that having an MA makes my BA in English a smidge more marketable, "just in case," but that isn't why I did it, and that isn't why I'm glad I did it. And even though I hated it, I am glad I did it. I'm PROUD of myself for doing it. Whenever I tell someone that I got my master's, I feel a little bit of pride well up inside of me, because I did something that not many people do and it took a whole lot of work. It was something that I accomplished and I did it for me, and I will always be able to know that. And I am a different person now than I would have been had I done something else for two years.

Of course I don't believe that everyone needs to do what I did. But I think that women (and education) are being devalued when they're told they should get an education "just in case." Education is just as valuable for LDS women planning on staying home as it is for anyone else in the workforce and in the Church.



*I get that this argument isn't going to overcome the monetary reasons for getting an education. You've got to feed yourself. And if that's enough to keep people going to college, then that's fine with me. But I just wanted to get this out there.

Elder Austin Keith Murphy

one of the major benefits of being here in santa monica for the summer is being close to my family, particularly for this momentous weekend. the first murphy missionary just entered the mtc today! this memorial day weekend was pretty much a celebration of everything austin, from eating at his favorite restaurants to listening to him speaking in church to having all of his friends coming over to say good-bye to him before he left for the next two years. he did an AMAZING job on his farewell talk (go here if you are in any way interested) and i even got to see him off at the airport. 

in the couple of days before his farewell, we did a lot of fun stuff, like playing scattergories,

doing just dance! on the wii,

and having a picnic and family ultimate frisbee game at the park.

we made sure to take a few family pictures because the family is going to have at least one additional member by the time he gets home. since dallin is two years younger than austin, we might not all be together for a family picture for four years. if that is the case, i bet the family will look drastically different by then! cole will be towering over the rest of us, at the very least. 

austin and baby austin (as austin insisted on calling him) bonded.

and, the good-bye walk at the airport.

whoops, tommy had to work and camille and brandon had already gone back to idaho. but these are the siblings who were at the airport.

bethany ACTUALLY GIVING SOMEBODY A HUG! it really WAS a momentous occasion--usually she's just a leaner more than a hugger. it WAS also her fourteenth birthday--what a way to celebrate.

and, he's off!

he insisted that this canada flag hang up outside our house for the next two years, at which point we'll replace it with the flag of whatever country or state dallin goes to, i'm sure. 

there's not much else to say except that we're all really confident that austin is going to be a great missionary. he is the world's most determined (stubborn) person, and he's already gone a long way in turning that determination (stubbornness) towards learning the gospel, becoming a better person, and preparing for a mission. he will definitely be a major force for good in montreal.


now that tommy and i each have a brother on a mission, kurt and austin, we are determined to be better letter writers. we have sadly neglected kurt with all the craziness of this year. but we will be better! at least once a week, right? it can't be that hard...

the funniest moment of primary today

was when i looked over and saw tommy (who was subbing in with me while my companion teacher libby is out of town) getting his back rubbed by a five-year-old girl who was in our sunbeams class last year. and she kept doing it.

good thing i'm not the jealous type. and good thing tommy is just so super popular with the under-eight crowd.

i think i feel a research paper coming on!

i'm in a class about writing program administration this semester, and of course, we've got a 20-page final paper about--anything. having to do with writing program administration. that's one of the best things about upper-level education: all the papers you write, you can write about something that really and truly interests you. you can twist the prompt to make it be about what you want.

i've found that i'm really interested in investigating religion. and how it affects . . . everything. particularly my own religion, and how it affects culture and mindsets and actions. so last year, my final semester at byu, i wrote a paper about mormon mommy bloggers. it could have been a better paper, but that really is something fascinating to me: why is there this explosion of mormon mommy blogs? why are people so fascinated with them? why do they have some many common traits?

now i'm looking at investigating religion in a totally different sphere: the writing classroom. and writing program. (not exactly an original idea, by the way, but i'm still working on an angle. and hoping i get the okay on the project.)

for example. if you think about it--WHY are we so afraid to allow religion to be discussed in the classroom? or in papers students turn in? all other similarly formative issues of identity (such as race, gender, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation) are applauded and discussed continuously, especially in composition classrooms--but religion is shunned and ignored and discounted, because of the stigmas that come along with being religiously oriented, such as the stigma that religious thinking is incompatible with reasonable thinking. even at religious institutions such as byu, religion is not generally incorporated into the classrooms or accepted as general topics of discussion. and in such an environment, how are professors supposed to respond to a religious student who turns in a paper affirming their faith? shoot them down, discount them, ignore it?

really interesting stuff. i need to think a lot more about it and see if i can come up with anything original. but i've read a few articles so far and it's looking promising.

missionaries

for a few years of my life, i LIVED for missionary letters.

the first wave of missionaries to go was after my freshman year, when all my best friends left to various parts of the country and world for two years. all the men, anyways. we would write them and talk about them and miss them and occasionally receive letters in return and see their weekly emails. all four of us living in club 887 would check the mail as early as possible, run to see which of us got letters. because those letters were reminders of happy times we'd had and assurances of good times to come--but also because missionaries can and do say things that regular people don't say every day. things like "i truly believe . . . " and "i testify that . . . " which would be corny and somewhat obnoxious in an everyday conversation with a regular person--but are serious and heartfelt in a letter from a missionary.

a few years later, those very girls i lived with left on missions. my roommates, my confidants, my social circle, my best friends--i needed them and i needed to talk to them. but letters were all we had--and so the process started all over again. writing faithfully, and hopefully checking the mail and being uplifted and taught through their letters.

but now all those ladies are home. and i haven't gotten any missionary mail for a while.

but when we got back from break and picked up our month's worth of mail, there were letters from two fantastic sister missionaries for me: one from my cousin jolysa sedgwick (in colorado springs), and one from my dear friend miss emilie wong (currently in malaysia, in the picture above). and once again, i was thoroughly impressed and thrilled by love and knowledge and spirit and unabashed testimony missionaries have.

they are awesome. and i am PROUD of them. proud to be associated with them and to get mail from them. just like i've been proud of all those other missionaries who i would write and who would write me.

because not having served a mission, i love hearing those oh-so-missionary thoughts and testimonies. they help me remember to be better and to try and be more like them.

now i'll go write them back.

something to be grateful for

"There is much that I do not know. I do not know the details of the organization of matter into the beautiful world we live in. I do not understand the intricacies of the Atonement, how the Savior’s sacrifice can cleanse all repentant people, or how the Savior could suffer “the pain of all men” (D&C 18:11). I do not know where the city of Zarahemla was, as referred to in the Book of Mormon. I do not know why my beliefs sometimes conflict with assumed scientific or secular knowledge. Perhaps these are matters our Father in Heaven described as the “mysteries . . . of heaven” (D&C 107:19) that will be revealed at a later date.

But while I don’t know everything, I know the important. I know the plain and simple gospel truths that lead to salvation and exaltation. I know that the Savior did suffer the pain of all men and that all repentant people can be cleansed from sin. And what I don’t know or don’t completely understand, with the powerful aid of my faith, I bridge the gap and move on, partaking of the promises and blessings of the gospel."

-Bishop Richard C. Edgley, Faith--the Choice Is Yours

i think this is exactly right. and goes exactly with many of my thoughts of late.

prop 8

i don't usually write about things like this on this blog. i don't usually want people to take me seriously (eg, the blog title, no capitalizing, etc.). but now i'm going to school at a non-lds university, and the topic of gay marriage comes up weekly, and i sit trembling every time in case a pointed jab comes up that i have to respond to, knowing that i am the only person from california, the only person who voted on prop 8, and probably the only person who would have voted (and did vote) for it. i figured i needed to write this down (so i could know what i thought and so that i could be like my good friend sarah, who wrote about this a while ago and has made me think about it ever since). and something like this, in order to be honest, needs an audience. i'm not writing this to try and convince anyone that i'm right, though--don't take it that way. this is for me to establish what i believe, for myself and for anyone who cares. so you know, any responses (positive or negative) will be appreciated. as long as they're not hating.

it's been plaguing me for months. really, ever since we moved out of happyland provo and into the real world (like i'd been wanting to for months and years). i knew it was going to come up eventually (and again and again)--and i didn't know how to explain it. how can you explain the church's standpoint on gay marriage to a non-religious person, or to someone who stands squarely against you, firmly convinced that they're right and you're wrong? and personally, i haven't always been convinced that i'm right. i still don't even know. i've always been bad at taking responsibility for my political beliefs because i never think i'm informed enough and could never withstand close questioning or attacking. and this issue is particularly difficult for me for a number of reasons. i've ignored and avoided, protested and deliberated, and finally pondered. this resolution is not a matter of blind submission on an issue i know nothing about, but a conscious decision balanced on my intellectual beliefs and faith.

but as far as i can tell and as far as i believe, my views on the issue (not saying that this is the whole LDS church's view) stand like this: like the proclamation on the family says, marriage is ordained between a man and a woman. God created us, his children, to procreate and have families--and that can only happen between a man and a woman. i don't know why there are people who are gay, lesbian, bi, or transsexual. i know that a huge part of this issue is whether queer people choose their sexuality or whether they come out that way--i don't have the answer to that and i'm not going to try. however, it remains that in the scriptures and in modern revelation from our prophets and apostles, homosexuality is a sin and against the commandments of God. and, like in nephite times in the book of mormon, we need to guard against the laws of our country becoming corrupted and condoning sin (helaman 5:2). so, as a church, and for me as an individual, we voted to keep the definition of marriage as being solely between a man and a woman.

i am well aware that such an argument would hold little water with someone who is not religious, and that it would infuriate and convince others that i am as full of hatred towards gay people as some of those horrible, evil, twisted people who protest at gay soldiers' funerals. but it's simply not true--i absolutely do not hate any group of people, especially one who is so unfairly maligned as this one. i don't want to deny anybody the chance of the happiness that marriage brings and i don't find joy in the trials that LGBT people have in attaining the same goals that i have. it hurts and sickens me to have to make this distinction. (that's why it's taken me so long, really.)

but as much as i firmly believe in equal rights for everyone, and as much as it hurts to be classed with the ignorant bigots who hate LGBT people and who would define them as a lower class of people, i also believe in revelation from our prophet today. i believe that this issue is so difficult because it is so important--the LDS leaders would not have spoken out about such a political issue if it weren't. as tommy said the other day as we were discussing this, if we (as mormons) really believe that our church is the one true church on the earth, led by God's one mouthpiece, isn't that really all we need to know? (although, disclaimer: i don't think that should be an excuse to follow blindly without deciding what you believe for yourself.)

so i've really decided which side i'm going to stand on. finally.


edit: kylie sent me this link to the church's response to the human rights campaign after elder packer's talk at gc. it is awesome. and says a lot of what i was trying to say as well.

sunbeams

i've never really had a calling that i've LOVED before. i kind of think that byu wards and callings are kind of a joke anyways--it's all just preparation for real life and real callings in real wards that you'll eventually have once you move away from byu (i guess, IF you move away from byu). so even though i liked being a relief society teacher and counselor and enrichment committee member (okay, not so much the committee member), i never really felt like i was doing any good or getting much out of it.

but now that tommy and i are the sunbeam teachers in the durham stake 4th ward, all that has changed. I LOVE OUR CALLING. the great thing about sunbeams is that they make you love them; you don't have to work at it at all. we have anywhere from six to ten four-year-olds in our class, and we are responsible for sitting with them in primary and entertaining them in class. although it is semi-chaotic at times and entirely chaotic the rest of the time, there are several payoffs. for one, you cannot beat their hilarious comments, like our first week when one girl was saying the prayer and asking heavenly father to "bless the mean boys in the class who aren't reverent and don't know how to listen to my prayers." and you get to teach them lessons like "I Am Thankful For Fish." and we get to serve together, which means we can look at each other to break from the insanity and laugh and laugh our whole drive home every sunday.

it's the bomb. i hope we never get released. i bet i'll be sharing some of the gems of comments on this blog occasionally.