where i was from: california

"i was born in sacramento, and lived in california most of my life. i learned to swim in the sacramento and the american, before the dams. i learned to drive on the levees up and downriver from sacramento. yet california has remained in some way impenetrable to me, a wearying enigma, as it has to many of us who are from there. we worry it, correct and revise it, try and fail to define our relationship to it and its relationship to the rest of the country."

-joan didion

i just read where i was from by joan didion, and i wanted to write down some thoughts about it. i've read several of didion's books now--she wrote the book that i wrote the magnum opus of my college experience on (baby's first fifteen-page paper!). i really like her minimalist writing style and (excuse the cliche) the depth of her ideas. i'd never even heard of this one, except when i was at border's and bought several too many books, i randomly picked this one up and saw her name on the cover, so i threw it in my basket. it was interesting--thought-provoking, if not amazing--and on a topic i've thought a lot about for a long time: california, and what california means. this book (and this blog post) would be probably boring to those of you who aren't from california, but it was fascinating to me.

i won't tell you all the stories didion shares or explain the conclusions she comes to. i just loved that didion wrote this book, as she said, attempting to resolve the inconsistencies, discrepancies, and provocations in california's image and history and ideals. of course, she goes a lot deeper than my thoughts ever have; for example, she talks about how californians imagine that they're so self-sufficient and pioneering and original, but california has historically relied on more than their fair share of federal government handouts.

but what has always really caught my imagination and made me question my home state is the contradiction between its image and its reality. i still think of myself as a californian, even though i moved away from there five years ago and there's not much chance of us moving back there any time soon or ever. ever since moving away from california, to utah and then to north carolina, i've gotten reactions from people when i say i'm from california, from orange county, of all places. the positive reactions: "cool!" "i'm so jealous!" "do you spend all your time at the beach?" and the negative: "just like everyone else" (and the other thoughts they keep inside--judging all californians as being shallow and worldly and all those other negative traits). very few other places get such visceral and strong reactions as california (other than texas, maybe). these reactions--and my own reactions to the other californians i've met outside of california--have made me start to think.

on the one hand, i can see why people think california is all just "cali". look at the media--i was in high school when shows like the o.c. and laguna beach and real housewives of orange county began and became countrywide phenomena. it really does look like all we do in southern california is party and lay out at the beach. when people talk about "cali," that's the california they're talking about (let me assure you, real californians do NOT call it "cali").

but then again, on the other hand, i don't get why people think california is cali. because guess what? california is not just the beach. it's not just disneyland. orange county, even, is bigger than the beach and disneyland. living in california is 99% the same as living in any other state. my life in north carolina--my everyday, real life--consists of the same activities and places as it did in california. i go to school. i go to the grocery store. i hang out with friends and i hang out with my family (just tommy here, but same idea). sure, we never had tornadoes trample through irvine, but i don't know when there's last been an earthquake in durham. the beach is twenty minute away, but nobody really spends all their time at the beach. (okay, very few people really spend all their time at the beach.)

but california can't be, isn't, just a place like every other place, as much as i like to act like it is. that's why people think so much about it. those shows, and those people, have turned it into more than the place where i used to live. and i don't like that part of california--the cali part.

my feelings towards california are like those i used to feel towards my siblings when i was living at home: i might complain about them and fight with them, but when outsiders make fun of them, i want to beat them up. it's really just like that. i love california. i hate california. i love californians and i hate californians. it's all mixed up and it all depends on what part of it you're talking about. (but i know i don't love the outsiders who hate [or love] california without really knowing california.)

family time

i was just thinking the other day how incredibly convenient it is that tommy comes from a family of nine kids. it was always a dream of mine that i would marry someone who came from a huge family (even huger than mine) so that my kids would have 18901 cousins, just like i did growing up. not only does tommy have eight siblings, he has eight really cool, really nice, and really fun siblings. lucky, lucky me.

so far, our nonexistent children have only four cousins--the ones we keep visiting in d.c. we went up to visit them again for memorial day weekend and pretty much just died over the babies and occasionally did other things. i'm going to bore you all with more adorable pictures of our niece and nephews because we're in love with them. we don't like to think about how they're moving in just two months (heartbreaking!) . . . so let's not talk about it.

this trip was especially fun because kristen was out here from utah, visiting and helping out. and we get to see her again in nine days when we're all back in utah for kurt's farewell!

we first went to tommy's cousin's wedding at the d.c. temple on friday. jessie is one of tommy's only other cousins that i've gotten to know pretty well (she was at byu with us for the past few years) and she is super-cool as well. we were really happy we could be out here for her wedding.

tommy and kristen with the beautiful bride.

and now, eight hundred pictures of the cutest babies you ever did see! it's like because there's two of them, their cuteness is squared. or at least increased exponentially. (don't judge us; you would think this too if you were playing with them all weekend!)

babies' first trip to the lincoln memorial! we had to take a picture.

all of us ran in the falls church memorial day 3K together. mayah and asher were troopers.

i mean, SERIOUSLY. they even swim and wear sailor hats.

flashback to tenth-grade espanol

we used to beg our spanish teacher to let us watch this movie--it was the greatest reward we could imagine. even eight years later, i still have the song on my ipod, the movie still makes me laugh, and i still know all the words.

ave maria, cuando seras mia?

i really think the best parts (other than his ridiculously buttoned shirt and how hot he thinks he is) are the dolphin dive and the ballerina twirl. keep watching--don't miss them.

what a week

in the fall, i'm going to be teaching a college class. by myself. on my own. all alone. nah, i'm not nervous.

so i'm learning how to be a teacher right now. we had a workshop last week that went all day every day and supposedly left us knowing how to teach. (it didn't.) but i'm trudging away, working to get this english 101 class planned and ready for the fall. and i will never again underestimate the planning and work teaching takes. (it stinks.)

i think it will end up being reasonably fun. i know it will be better than i'm imagining right now. the weird thing is that if i had ended up going to BYU for my MA, i would have been teaching my very first semester. it would be old news by now. but i am glad that i didn't have to do that and that i got another year of practice and preparation before i jumped into teaching. and i am glad that i still have all summer to psych myself up and over-prepare like crazy.

oh, is this too boring? let's try and think of anything else exciting going on here . . .

we're working on a 2,000 piece puzzle of van gogh's starry night.

yes, really. that is the most exciting thing we are doing right now. and yep, life is pretty boring here right now. but we are going to d.c. on thursday for memorial day weekend. it has been six weeks since we've gone up there and it feels like it's been forever. we miss those sevys and we are excited because troy and kristen will be there as well! hooray!

also

i've been having weird, bad dreams lately. last night i dreamed that i got in a vicious catfight with:

i was punching and slapping her and screaming at her for lying to the american public. (seriously--what a politically active my subconscious must be!) she was cheap though--she kept biting me. rude.

what a weird night. i woke up feeling like i needed to clean myself off.

strawberry fields forever

10 pounds of strawberries for 1.45 a pound = homemade jam and loads of delicious strawberry-related desserts = a weekend of pure awesomeness.

exploring the south

thomas jeffrey-son at thomas jefferson's home in virginia.

i didn't realize north carolina was really in "the south" before i moved here.

stupid me. because it really is.

being ignorant westerners, we are constantly impressed by how old things can be out here. and how much history there is out here. you can't blame me--i'm from irvine, for crying out loud, where the oldest thing is the building that was built before the '70s. tommy feels the same way. so when we were both finished with school this week, we went up to richmond to see some cool old stuff, and then on to monticello and appomattox. a mixed revolutionary war/civil war tour of virginia. we also ate some good food, listened to some sherlock holmes on cd, and stayed at a super 8--so fancy!

first we visited the museum of the confederacy and the white house of the confederacy in richmond--these two old buildings are literally surrounded by the VCU hospital campus. weird, but it was a good tour. they consider jefferson davis a real president 'round these parts.

then we walked around richmond, and saw the state capitol and a few other civil war sites within walking distance. did you know that richmond was burned down during the war?

and then we went and saw st. john's church on the other side of richmond--the church where patrick henry gave his "give me liberty or give me death!" speech. they do weekly reenactments during the summer . . . we're trying to figure out how we could make it someday because really, who wants to miss a reenactment of revolutionary war events? could not get any better.

then we visited monticello, thomas jefferson's awesome house in charlottesville, virginia. tommy really felt proud about it, considering that his name is thomas jeffrey, so he's basically thomas jefferson's protege. hey, pal.

and we went to appomattox court house. we didn't take any great pictures--but this is where the surrender happened. hooray!

how awesome is it that we live so close to all these rad places? even though appomattox isn't really that cool to visit (let's be honest, it's two hours from anywhere and it's just a building), i would be bummed if we lived so close and didn't see it. i'm glad we did. america!

why obama's birth certificate will never convince anyone

i found this new blog today: thisisindexed.com. i like it a lot. i also really liked this chart, because it proves exactly what tommy and i discussed after obama released his birth certificate.

i personally think the whole "birther" movement is the biggest bunch of baloney ever fathomed on this side of the galaxy. what a complete waste of time. but that's just me. oh, wait, not it's not.

about on the same scale of ridiculousness was this article by the salt lake tribune. it made me want to laugh and pound my head on the wall all at the same time. ah, i love stupid people.

something must be wrong with me

i watched father of the bride last night. by myself. on my computer. on my bed. (don't judge me, tommy was studying and i was working until too late to plan anything else.)

and i got all choked up MULTIPLE times through the course of the movie.

steve martin almost made me cry. seriously, what is wrong with me? how embarrassing.

i knew i had to share it with all of humanity on the blog.

what are we going to do tonight, brain?

"the same thing we do every night, pinky--try to take over the world!"

if you don't blog for a while, you forget how to do it. i haven't been able to think of anything to blog about this week. i finished the semester one week ago and it has felt FANTASTIC, except that i've been sickish and had a perpetual headache and sore throat (why does that always happen right when you go on vacation?). i've spent a lot of time reading, taking care of projects around the house, exercising, and doing a little of work on the side.

also, i made some really excellent guacamole today. for the first time.

so my "work" for the summer (i put it in quotation marks because it's not really work in any real sense of the word--it's just that i'm getting paid obscene amounts of money to do the really boring copying and pasting work that professors don't want to do themselves) is so mindless that i can listen to books and music as i work. i foresee me getting through more books than i was expecting this summer. which is GREAT!

the best book i've read (aka listened to) this week:

i thought i would hate it. i thought it was stupid and ridiculous, but it was a book on CD i saw at the library and i can't ignore those books that look like they're not cheap romance novels on CD to borrow, so i got it. and it was hilarious. i was laughing all the way through. anyone who likes pride and prejudice should be able to read and laugh at this book. best scene: when darcy proposes to elizabeth for the first time and she challenges him to a duel and kicks him in the face. awesome.

in other news, tommy has his cumulative, terrifying, stressful first-year exam monday and tuesday next week. then we're going down to south carolina for a few days to celebrate afterwards. then i have a week-long teaching-me-how-to-teach workshop the week after. then the week after we're heading up to d.c. for tommy's cousin's wedding and a tours at the white house and capitol building (hopefully). hooray!

i just love looking forward to and anticipating our summer plans.

awesome.

(stole this from your blog, alexandra. it was too good. thanks for sharing.)

this picture is better than all the news recently. i think i'm going to send it to grandpa murphy... he'll appreciate it.

watching obama last night, i realized--it's been 10 years since september 11th. ten years and osama has been out there this whole time.

wow.