writing

sometimes i hate school. i hoped that starting grad school would mean harder/more interesting classes that would MAKE me like them, but that really didn't happen. (maybe next semester? i never give up hope.) it's times like this that make me really really glad that i'm not signed up for a six- to seven-year phd program and just a two-year master's instead. (i just know i'll be glad i did this master's someday. even if i sometimes hate it now.)

BUT I WILL SAY that i am very. very. VERY appreciative of what i have learned at school. and the best things that i've learned (in a very general sense) are

1. how to think
2. how to write.

a few weeks ago, i was contemplating what would happen if i decided not to finish this masters (relax, i'm not dropping out, it was a hypothetical question on an evening of procrastination and school-loathing). and i realized i had NO JOB OPTIONS. then i began to appreciate (just a LITTLE TINY BIT) grandpa murphy's constant warnings and jabs about my useless english major over the last four years. (but don't tell him; i don't want to give him the satisfaction.) because i realized, wow, an english major actually IS kind of useless.

but then i thought, no. it's really not. it may be useless in the whole i-know-exactly-what-job-i'm-getting-after-i-graduate world, because of how broad and non-directive it is. but it has NOT been useless because of these two incredibly, extremely useful skills that i've learned and honed and perfected (ha) over the last 4.5 years of my life. of course you learn these skills in other majors. but this is the way that it worked best for me.

anyway, the whole point of all of this is that I AM SO GLAD THAT I KNOW HOW TO WRITE. and no, i don't mean creative writing (i don't do that, not even a little bit)--i mean, real, real writing--expressing myself and arguing something and organizing my thoughts and backing up my ideas and coming to a solid conclusion. i can't make a good argument or explain myself very well in person or through talking, but i can, i really can, when i write it out.

example: a few weeks ago, i wrote an email to a friend. it was a very long email about a very complicated subject. i didn't even know how i felt about the whole topic before i started. but as i wrote and wrote and wrote, the writing figured out my ideas for me and after i finished, i knew what i was thinking. i know there's a quote somewhere that's something like, "how can i know what i'm thinking without seeing what i write?" and it is very. true.

so i guess that's the real reason why i have this blog. and why i've (very recently) started writing in a journal again. and why i'm glad i was an english major. and why i'm going to stop procrastinating and start writing this stupid paper. maybe i'll come up with some ideas as i go.