Grahammy Boy

Something funny about the last month of pregnancy for me: I go through this extended mourning period, in advance, about the life I'm about to lose when we add a new baby to our family. Every time. I cried a bunch of times in the week after Dane was born because I was sad that it would never just be me and Tommy again. I mourned our little family of three last time. And this time, I'm feeling tender about our little Graham losing his spot as King Baby and our nice life as a family of four. Of course, these sad feelings are co-existing with the excitement of having a new baby and the blinding LOVE I have (or will have) for that new baby, but it is hard to see the end of an era, even if it's for a good reason. 

Yesterday, Tommy was flying back to Texas after being out of town for a few days. I taught our Joy School in the morning and then planned to go to the gym in the afternoon and then maybe to the park to kill time until a late dinner so we didn't have too much time at home by ourselves. But Graham had other plans: he laid in his crib for over two hours, squawking and playing and not napping, and two minutes before I gave up on his nap and went in there to get him out, THEN finally fell asleep. At 3:00. There go our plans for the gym. 

So Dane and I worked on a 100-piece solar system puzzle together, which we both enjoy (I love doing puzzles) and then I went to get Graham up. He was cranky and disoriented for a while. But then the two boys went to play in the backyard while I made our sophisticated pancakes-and-eggs dinner . . . and it was like magic. They played happily in the sandbox for 45 minutes while I leisurely whipped up the batter and cooked all the pancakes. They played TOGETHER and were happy, and I opened a window to listen to their conversation. It was like one of those dreams come true, what you THINK parenting is going to be like, before you have actual toddlers that generally scream and cry the minute you say the word "dinner" and can't wait the 15 minutes it takes for dinner to actually get made (not naming any names here). 

I watched them out there and I felt so happy that everything was going so smoothly, especially on a night when Tommy wasn't going to be home for dinner (when usually we are short-tempered and dinner is a cranky affair). And at the same time, I kept thinking, "Why? Why now?" Why did it take us 23 months to get to this place, where they can play happily together and I don't need to be monitoring them constantly? And in just a few short weeks we are going to be putting an explosion in the middle of this cozy scene in the form of a newborn and a totally new routine and life that everyone has to adjust to?

It's just ironic. It's hard to appreciate the good times when I'm a little bit dreading the inevitable adjustment we will all be going through soon.

And this boy will be having to adjust the most. He is utterly ADORABLE. I wish I could snuggle him and kiss his cheeks all day long but he is completely independent and never, NEVER wants to be held. He understands almost everything we say to him, and responds by shaking or nodding his head, and communicates with his own language of sound effects and sign language and a very few select English words. I was just reading a friend's blog post about her kid who just turned 2 and speaks in complete sentences all the time. Ha! Graham probably says about 20 recognizable words still. But he can communicate very well with us without actually using words (which is probably part of the problem--he sees no reason to try and learn how to say more). He still has never said Dane's name (I think the long A sound is hard for him). He says Mommy, Daddy, Bubba (Bethany), Ani (Austin--just started this one), shoes, trash/trash truck, Mimi (reading books, after a book called Mimi), apple, cheese, please (sounding like "eeee"), baby, hi, teeth, bye-bye, kitty, digger, slide (by saying "whee!"), and does the signs for milk, more, and all done. What more does a boy need to say, really? 

And he just started blowing kisses. Be still my heart! When I ask him to blow his nose he blows out of his mouth, every time. Haha.

He is never happier than when Joy School is at our house and there are three big four-year-olds running around that he can follow. He truly thinks they are HIS friends there to see him. He loves, loves, loves playing outside, and any cranky afternoon can be solved by going on a walk down to the park. He is SUPER silly, and loves being chased and "eaten" by Mommy or Daddy and having roaring contests with Dane. His other favorite time of day is after baths, when he and Dane "escape" from Daddy and run around the house naked and then push each other down on Dane's bed. It's ridiculous but they both just die from laughter every single time. He wants me to read to him 900 books a day, and is always, always hungry. I need to bring snacks with me everywhere I go, which I used to be morally opposed to, but he's whittled down my opposition by his tantrums and screaming attacks (as with all parenting things ever).

He is still the world's biggest daddy's boy, but he has showed signs of wanting mommy more and more recently. A few times he has woken up during the night from a bad dream just WAILING for Mama. I love it. The minute I pick him up he calms down and snuggles right on my shoulder and goes back to sleep, just like I always want to hold him. Once Tommy went in to get him when he was calling for Mama, and he would not be consoled--just kept screaming and crying for Mama until I went in too and took him, and he was content. He's almost never done anything like that before, and I felt so honored.

Graham is more difficult than Dane was at this age. It's hard to know how much of this is because he is a second child and therefore my attention is divided, or how much of this is just his personality, or how much is just his language barrier (Dane was an excellent talker and therefore very easy to reason with from an early age). He sleeps badly at night and is hard to figure out in the day sometimes. But it's amazing how these things don't matter at all in my feelings towards him. I love him so much I could squeeze him all day long if he would let me. I think it's amazing that having a new baby doesn't split the amount of love you have from 1 kid to 2, or 2 kids to 3--it actually multiplies the love you have for all of your kids and makes you love them more. I never loved Dane as much as I did in the weeks after Graham was born. It's like the love you feel for the new baby gives you more love for everyone else. I already feel more and more tender towards this boy, even with his craziness, even before this new baby gets here. I want to apologize to him for the unexpected bombshell that is coming his way, but I know it is going to be so good for him and so happy for all of us in the long run.