September 11

Dane was watching "The Tigger Movie" today. The climax of the movie is when Tigger almost gets smashed by an avalanche and Roo does a huge bounce to save him. I was washing dishes and watching Dane watch this part, and it was the sweetest thing in the world to see his worried little face light up with relief and joy as he yelled, "Mom, Roo saved Tigger!" He was so sweet and pure in that moment with his concern about his good friend Tigger that I wanted to just rush over and hug him. I loved it.

Then tonight I was putting Graham to bed and the last few weeks he has been wanting us to put him down and let him to go sleep by himself. (Can I get a HALLELUJAH!!) But tonight he fussed and gave some high piercing screams after I walked out of the room (this child has opinions) and so I went back in and held him. After a lot of squirming he finally calmed down and I rocked him in the rocking chair, humming Edelweiss to him, watching him get more and more tired as he stared at the window and at me and while I rubbed his soft little cheeks. Usually I am so happy to let him just go to sleep on his own but tonight I tried to hold him longer than he even wanted just to snuggle him a little bit more.

I forgot that it was September 11 today until I drove past the school district building and noticed the flags at half-mast. I realized Dane didn't know anything about September 11 or what it means or what happened--and I imagined trying to explain it to him. And I imagined him finding new worse, more realistic fears than the monster in his closet, of planes crashing into our house or hijackers any time we go to the airport.  And it made my heart hurt to remember how scary and earth-shattering and crushing that day was for every kid in America in 2001. I don't want to have to relive that for him or explain it. 

But remembering it makes me more grateful for all the little moments and blessings that make up my very uneventful but meaningful life. I didn't do anything to deserve being born into a stable, happy, well-off family in a wealthy and free country. And I take it for granted that I will be safe every day. But I am trying to remember that those are huge, huge blessings that most of the world does not have. 

So I hope I keep on remembering that. And I know eventually I'll need to tell these two boys and hopefully help them learn the right things from it.