two kids.

I remember after Dane was born, after my mom had gone home and Tommy had headed back to school, I was shocked at how my time was all of a sudden GONE. I had just one tiny baby to take care of, but just one child was so demanding that I could barely find time to shower. (I did have plenty of time to read, though, being chained to a chair while nursing for seven hours a day.) That was a big adjustment--going from being childless, where all of my time was basically my own to do what I liked with it, to having no personal free time AT ALL. Even as he got a little older and napped for longer periods of time, I was always stressed out during his naps because I knew he could wake up at any moment (and he DID wake up plenty--I sometimes forget how he was such a bad napper for the first year of his life!). 

But then the last eighteen months or so, Dane and I have had a great routine. Dane got to the point where he played by himself while I showered and got ready in the morning. Such a luxury! He spends 2.5-3 hours in his crib every afternoon, usually napping but sometimes just talking to himself if he is boycotting his nap that day. So I have had my afternoons free to plan my classes or grade, read, blog, cook, or do WHATEVER I WANT TO DO. I totally got used to having a good amount of personal time again.

And it's looking like those days are long gone. I've had constant help the last two and a half weeks, with Tommy on paternity leave, my mom here for a week, and my mother-in-law here this week, and I still am struggling to take a shower. It's 3:36 and I'm still in my pajamas right now. This is a bad omen for what is yet to come--next week, once I am on my own (gulp). All of this thanks to these two little friends:

I know I will adjust to this new routine and new life with no more free time and two little demanding people, but I am kind of mourning the loss of the freedom I had with my one little happy toddler. 

But at the same time, I am depressed just thinking about how sad, sad, sad it is that this little boy will only be two and a half weeks once in his life. This window that you have with this tiny baby is just so small. I look at Graham and I keep remembering and reliving this same stage I was in with Dane, and I can't believe how much has happened since then, and how much Dane has grown. It makes me a lot more okay with the fact that I am not doing very much right now other than nursing and holding the baby and keeping my toddler as happy as I can. 

Because I remember now that this too shall pass, and I will be so sad once it is over! As President Uchtdorf says, "Life is not meant to be appreciated only in retrospect"--so I am appreciating this stage now.

Except I can't wait for Graham to start to smile. THEN life will be complete.