somebody call the wambulance--or not

i apologize for all of you who have suffered through reading my blog over the last year. because i KNOW it has been unnecessarily focused on my whining about and hating on school. i know i have complained constantly about it--i try my best to keep it just to tommy, but it slips out whenever anyone asks "how's school going?" or "what are your plans for when you graduate?" i can't help but tell them how much i hate it and how much i can't wait for it to be done. i don't want to be a debbie downer, so i always back it up with a "but it's great!", but by then the damage is done.

so, sorry about that.

but it seems to be all i can do right now to make it through this last year of school. i know so many people would love to have this opportunity--to go to graduate school, with funding, at the same time as their husband, blah blah blah. but i haven't been able to be as grateful as i should be because of how absolutely miserable i have been doing it.

i know that sounds like an exaggeration. MISERABLE. but that is really the only word for it. i enjoy spurts of it, but on the whole, i have spent the last seven months just making it through every day. every day is "just two more days till the weekend" or "one more week down, X more to go." i feel like crying every sunday night, knowing that i have to go back to school on monday morning. (seriously--just ask tommy.)

i have NEVER lived life like this--i have generally loved school, loved learning, loved having things to write and teachers to talk to and deep concepts to grapple with. but something snapped in me and has let me know that i reached the end of my rope--i am DONE with this whole full-time school thing and i NEED to get out, for my sanity and for my happiness. not that i want to stop learning, but i need to stop learning in this way.

it makes me feel for people who work at jobs they hate all the time, without an end in sight. the ONLY way i've done it is by knowing there's light at the end of the tunnel--and that end is now only two months away.

but hey! this post is NOT meant to be taken as a complaining post--just an explaining one. i have been whining a lot, and this is why, in case you've been wondering. yes, i have my trial of school, it's been hard, but it will be over SO soon and there are lots of things for me to look forward to and LOTS of things for me to be grateful for.

like:

• sarah-alec's wedding and austin's mission farewell (in may)
• graduating and doing NOTHING. nothing, i tell you! all summer long! it sounds like heaven!
• moving somewhere for tommy's internship this summer (STILL UNDECIDED! but STILL EXCITED!)

and

• a baby, coming september 2012.

i don't think there's room for anything more than just a smiley face to finish off this post. (as much as i hate emoticons . . .)

:)