It's starting to feel a lot like Christmas...

(Or at least it was, a month ago...)

I really, really enjoyed this Christmas season. It's not like I usually don't, but Dane is getting to the age that it's really fun to pass along the traditions that Tommy and I both loved as kids, and it's actually meaningful to him. I tried to consciously think about what traditions I loved as a kid, and which ones I want to try to pass along to our kids. I definitely didn't want to get super over-committed to doing things and I tried to keep it low-key. This was the first year we really decorated for Christmas and I just loved it. When I was thinking about my favorite traditions, I really kept coming back to when we would go pick out our Christmas tree--in the Home Depot parking lot, of all the super special places--and how happy that made me as a kid. And of course, decorating the tree while listening to Christmas music. I loved handling all of our old Christmas tree ornaments and helping with all of that. So I was really excited to do this with Dane this year. And we finally managed it! 

We also did a gingerbread house and baked Christmas cookies, and went to look at Christmas lights. We did a Christmas nativity advent calendar (I had one growing up and always loved it). We watched some Christmas movies like Elf, Rudolph, Frosty the Snowman, and the Grinch with Dane. We baked some poppyseed bread for home and visiting teachees and neighbors (and for ourselves), which I love doing because it is my favorite thing to bake in the world. (Funny story: the second batch I made, I forgot to put in the poppyseeds. So it was just... bread. I still gave it to people because it tasted fine and we had six mini-loaves. I had to figure out an alternative name for it so they didn't wonder where the poppyseeds went!) Most of these activities we just did here at home and didn't take too much effort. I think that's one reason it was so enjoyable and relaxed. We only did things we really wanted to do, and left off the things that didn't matter so much. I know once our kids are older we won't have the choice about keeping things so close to home and so calm, so I'm happy to be able to control things so much right now in this stage of our lives. 

Picking out the Christmas tree at Lowes.

Super excited!

This tugs at my heartstrings. Seriously one of my favorite memories from growing up--and passing it on.

Dane got his own Christmas lights and mini-Christmas tree in his room this year.

We even got Christmas lights for the outside of our house! We didn't want to spend hundreds of dollars all at once so we just got a few, and it still made me really happy how it looked. (And we went to Lowes on New Year's Day and got 10 strings of icicle lights for the roof for 75% off--so we will have even more next year!)

Eating cookies and drinking egg nog after decorating the tree. Bummer that it's such a blurry picture.

I also remember always going to look at Christmas lights, which is something that I always love. We went to this neighborhood south of us that is super famous for its crazy Christmas lights. It was totally freezing but really fun. We went there last year too, and we got to see some repeats--like this blow-up Thomas with a Santa hat.

A Rudolph they could sit on!

We made Christmas cookies a few times! A favorite tradition for many reasons...

Is there anything as cute as two matching brothers?

I always loved decorating our gingerbread house growing up too. This year, we just bought a gingerbread house kit at Costco. Maybe next year we will figure out how to do it on our own. But this was perfect for Dane and he had a lot of fun putting the candy on (and stuffing his face).

Tommy's work also had an event with Santa there. The lines were SUPER long and it took forever, but the boys managed to not lose it and we lasted through to the end. Dane was very excited to wear this crazy Santa hat in his picture with Santa.

The Gingerbread Man was sadly not as interesting and had no line to take a picture with him. 

Our ward party had Santa available for pictures too--and Dane was the FIRST in line this time! He was very solemn sitting on his lap and informed Santa that he wanted "more trains." (Santa was NOT bringing him more trains. He has about 55,000 trains in his toy room. NO MORE TRAINS.)

Graham was pretty tired out and started crying the minute he saw that crazy beard. Poor guy.

The night before we left town for Christmas in California, we opened the presents we already had under the Christmas tree so that we didn't have to cart them to California. (And to space out the presents for the boys, so that they didn't have too many to open on Christmas morning. Of course, it still turned out that there were too many and Dane was done before we was halfway finished with his stack.) 

A great way to get ready for Christmas! Great presents from their great-grandparents and Aunt Kiki. Graham was sporting his Santa suit and looking pretty festive. 

Let It Go

This is probably going to be a really obvious statement to all of my parent/grandparent readers, but I have learned something: I think a major part of parenting is learning to let it go. Let EVERYTHING go. Only pick your battles about the most important, significant things, and stop trying to control everything. 

I have a hard time with this sometimes. When Dane was a baby, he would only nap for 20-30 minutes at a time almost every nap. And I would get completely INCENSED. I would rage into my pillow and think angry thoughts about WHY WHY WHY I couldn't get a break for longer than 20 minutes! (And send many angry texts to Tommy.) As he got older he became a much better napper, but on those days he would keep himself awake and not sleep, I would still get really mad and try to force him to nap, by sitting in his room and shushing him until he fell asleep or chastising him after not napping, like he really got what he was doing. I know all of these things make me sound super immature and like a super great mom, but it was a huge deal for me to get a break at naptime. And it was something I wanted to be able to control.

And luckily, I have gotten WAY WAY better about this three years into it. I still get frustrated when the boys don't nap well (and now that there are two of them it's definitely worse) but it's not even close to the same level of frustration--and I've stopped trying to force Dane to nap. For one, he's getting close to being too old for it. But for another, and more importantly, I have let myself stop stressing about it. It doesn't matter. He will survive the day without a nap. I will survive the day without a nap. And so will Graham. I feel much happier when I am more successful at letting this go.

The issue that we have been dealing with lately is Dane's clothes. He wants to wear his "running clothes" every single day (two athletic outfits he got from Costco) and when they are not clean, he throws major fits and begs, begs, begs me to wash them. It's gotten to the point that I get frustrated when he just brings it up AT ALL. If he's not begging for his running clothes, he's begging to wear shorts and flipflops in the 30- and 40-degree weather we've been having and screaming at me because he doesn't want to wear his jacket. It's hard to even IMAGINE, but it's true. And I'm trying to be in charge of what he wears because I want him to be warm, but also, mostly, to be honest, it's because I want him to wear different clothes than the same 3 outfits over and over again. I want to control his clothes. And guess what? The time for that has now passed. 

I have to LET IT GO and let him do what he wants. It doesn't really matter what he wears. It's not cold enough here that he's going to freeze to death with his shorts on (which he keeps finding no matter how many times I pack them away). And I don't actually care! It doesn't affect me at all. I am giving myself permission to let it go. 

The red running shorts in the top picture and the blue running clothes here are the worst offenders.

I think I need to figure out what our constant points of tension are, and figure out how I can let those go. And I bet I could let other things go to make my life easier. I could probably write a really lyrical metaphor about how letting things go relates to life and try to use my mostly-defunct writing skills, but I've kind of let that go too. I feel lighter and easier already!

Threenager

It is amazing how quickly kids can switch phases and how quickly they run through them. A few weeks ago Dane was napping for hours every day and going to sleep right away at night, and was so sweet all the time and almost overly sensitive. And then now, Dane is totally in this crazy "rebellious" phase. He has started talking back to us and yelling angry things at us when he's mad, and I swear I caught him rolling his eyes at me the other day. He'll say "O-KAYuh!" when I tell him to do things and yell "NO!!!" when we tell him something he doesn't want to hear. When he's starting to melt down and I try to pick him up or help him, he yells, "OW OW OW!" like we're purposely hurting him. He cares SO MUCH about his clothes and has been having meltdowns every day about wanting to wear his "orange running clothes" every single day. He totally reminds me of an angsty teenager. 

I have not been responding appropriately, I know that. It's really frustrating and his meltdowns have been leading to my meltdowns lately. He starts yelling and I start losing my patience really quick. I'm used to a mostly reasonable toddler (weird, I know) but he has been so frustrated with me lately any time he isn't immediately getting what he wants, and I'm getting so frustrated in return. I'm trying really hard to take a deep breath first before getting too mad. I am imagining these parenting skills are going to continue to be very important when he actually is a teenager, so there's good reason to work on it now. . .

And then--two minutes after a major meltdown, the amazing sweetness of the three-year-old shines through and he wraps his arms around my neck and whispers, "Sorry, Mommy. I wuv you. I fink you're beautiful." I'm proud of him for learning about apologizing at least. He's learning a lot from my example of needing to apologize a lot lately. . .  We're working on it together.

Working Hard and Parenthood

I have thought a lot lately about hard work. I read a book a few weeks ago about how we need to raise kids to be independent, and most parents these days are doing the opposite of that. They are pampering and babying their children and treating them like they are three-year-olds until they are in college, and even past that, and their children are struggling as a result, both emotionally and physically as they begin to reach adulthood and to have to do things on their own. And one of the things that the author says that she's noticed is that kids are not required or expected to work AT ALL except for doing their schoolwork (and sometimes the parents even end up doing that too). Kids even in high school have never had to do any chores, any self-care, any cleaning up after themselves or even just regular life skills like making themselves food or doing laundry. And then when they move away from home, they are SHOCKED by how they don't know how to do anything and by how hard life is. And because they've never had to do anything hard before, they need their parents even more.

Reading this, it's almost hard to believe, but then it's really not. I totally have seen this mindset--you don't want ANYTHING to get in the way of your kid's grades, so you don't make them do anything other than school. And school is so demanding these days so it's not fair to ask them to do any chores and they don't have time for it anyways. So kids are growing up in this world where everything is catered to them and nothing matters except for getting good grades, and in the small amount of time you're not working on school, you need to be having "quality time" with your parents and making FUN memories with them. There's no such thing as down time or work time.

This is really problematic to me. And the main reason it bugs me so much is because LIFE IS HARD WORK. If you raise your kid to think that the only thing that matters is for them to get good grades and have fun, then five or ten years after they graduate from college, they are going to wonder what they are doing wrong with their lives. No matter what life path they decide to take (unless they become techie millionaires at 27), there is going to be a lot of work involved and A LOT OF LIFE IS NOT THAT FUN. I cannot emphasize that enough. Being an adult kind of stinks. You have to worry about money. You have to decide about health insurance. You have to clean your house and make repairs. You have to call people you don't want to call and ask questions. You have to feed yourself and usually that involves learning how to cook. Nobody can avoid these things.

But there is one place where it is absolutely paramount that you know how to work hard, and that is being a parent. You get such mixed messages about parenting--it's the most beautiful, amazing thing in the world and it's also the hardest time of your life. And honestly, it's BOTH. It is OF COURSE both. How could it not be? There are beautiful and hilarious moments EVERY DAY, but honestly, it's mostly a lot of nitty-gritty, teeth-grinding long hours and days. Long meals trying to force food down your picky eater's throat, long LONG nights getting your kids bathed and ready for bed. When you have kids, you sign on to take a helpless blob and help it grow into a full-fledged person. There's presumably going to be a whole lot of sleepless nights, tear-filled days, and whole months where you can't remember what you did every day. And the best thing is--you are doing all of the above-listed "grown-up" tasks on top of the parenting duties of waking up twelve times a night, feeding the kids, dealing with their tantrums and struggles, and oh, just helping them become well-rounded, fulfilled and happy individuals. Being a parent is just flat-out HARD. 

This is why hard work is important. If people are raising their kids to be unaccustomed to hard work, these kids are never going to want to have kids of their own. And if they do have kids, they are going to be overwhelmed after having their first one and not going to be able to handle any more. I hear a lot that moms say things like, "Oh, I am DONE having kids. No way am I having any more"--like having kids is this punishment that they're weaseling their way out of! It doesn't matter how many kids you have--whether 1 or 8, whatever you can handle, and every family has specific issues and needs that only the parents know--but it seems to me that we should NEVER talk about our kids in such a negative light and that we shouldn't be afraid of having kids just because it's hard work. OF COURSE it's hard work. It's the whole reason we are here. It is what stretches us to become more compassionate, loving, BIGGER people. 

I am trying to teach Dane that it's okay to work hard and to have to struggle with things. He now says things like, "I'm working really hard. It's hard work!" when he's pushing to buckle his carseat buckles and is extra proud of himself when he finally accomplishes it. I want him to be able to work hard. More than almost anything else, I think that the quality of being able to work hard will help you to be successful, and more than that, HAPPY, in life. 

I'm lucky to have been raised in a house where working hard was practically The Gospel. Thank you to all of my grandparents for instilling in my parents and us kids the importance of work. These two boys are some really hard work some days, but I can do it. I am a hard worker. I'm in it for the long haul.

A visit from Grandma

These boys have been so spoiled with visits from family and grandparents this year. Both grandmas came when Graham was born, and they've both come again in October and November, plus we got visits from four aunts and uncles this year. We are getting used to this treatment, people! Come visit us as often as you like--we love it!

My mom came to see us (mostly the two boys) in November for a week. We took her to the Dallas Arboretum and had a great time walking through the main gardens for the first time. They were really gorgeous and it was absolutely stunning weather. I really like Texas in November and December. Weather in the 50s and 60s is my jam. The Arboretum had all their Christmas decorations out, but they also still had their fall Pumpkin Village up too--so we got to celebrate both fall and winter in one day. They have little stands depicting each of the twelve days of Christmas throughout the gardens, and probably lots of beautiful Christmas lights, but we decided we weren't going to try to beat the crowds to come at night.

I have a love for walkways with overhanging trees. Maybe it's the symmetry of it all. But I love it so much!

We also went to a train "museum" tour with her. It wasn't really a museum though--because they haven't even started building the museum building yet, they just have the trains on display out on the train tracks! They do give tours of the trains, but I don't think we should have done it on a Saturday because it was clearly a tour aimed at train aficionados and hobbyists and not a little boy who is obsessed with Thomas the Train. There were two guys who'd flown down from Detroit and Philadelphia to see these trains they had here! It was very technical and they spent a long time discussing different eras and types of train cars, etc., but Dane really enjoyed walking along the train tracks, touching the trains, and luckily, FINALLY, at the very end, he did get to climb up on one and pretend to be the engineer.

His reward for being so nice for over an HOUR listening about the trains.

Other than that, we just hung out, went to Costco, went to the park and on walks, and did stuff around the house. 

We were sure happy that Grandma got to come visit! (I never seem to get pictures with my mom when she comes, just with the boys. But oh well!)

Dane at 3 years old

Dane seems like he's in the process of growing up. We've watched him the last few months make some serious strides towards independence and growing up, and it's pretty adorable watching him figure things out and see how proud he is of himself. He chooses his own clothes and is almost able to completely dress himself, he's potty trained and can basically do the whole process by himself, he finally learned how to buckle himself into his carseat, he sets the table and fills our cups with ice and water, he unloads the silverware from the dishwasher. All the final vestiges of him being a baby or even a toddler are long gone. He is a KID now and is LOVING being so big.

We go to the gym most days a week, and when we go in, Dane runs over to the water fountain and gets himself a drink. It wrings my heart every time to watch him stand on his tiptoes and get a drink all by himself. It's so cute because he just thinks he's so big and he LOVES doing those big-people things that he used to not be able to do. He's been fiddling around with doing his buckles on his carseat for a while, but just two weeks ago I pushed him a little bit to actually try them--and he figured it out! And he is so proud of himself every time he manages it. 

He is such an obedient and sweet little boy. We have to walk a fine line between being too cushy with him and hurting his feelings, because whenever we say "no" to him, even in the nicest voice, he acts like a puppy who got hit with a newspaper. Today we were at a little museum and he climbed up on something that said "NO CLIMBING." I turned around and said, "Oh, no, no, let's get down from there"--in a totally nice tone of voice because I thought it was pretty cute that he ended up there--and he cried and walked with his head down for ten minutes. So when I actually do get mad--which happens too often, I know--it's pretty devastating. But he's very forgiving and will always wrap his arms around my neck and say, "Fank you" whenever I say sorry. He has his bad weeks, but usually he is just eager to please and eager to do whatever I suggest. I sure love that about him. 

He runs EVERYWHERE, all the time. And when he runs, he pumps his arms as hard as they go and he looks down at his feet every once in a while as if he wants to see how fast they are going. It's the cutest thing ever. He got new tennis shoes that he thinks are "running shoes" and is convinced he runs way faster with them. He got a new Adidas sporty outfit from my mom, and calls it his "running outfit" and begs to wear it every day.

He also is talking more and more like an adult every day. He is picking up lots of phrases and tones of voice when he talks. Tonight I said, "I'm going to go clean up before the home teachers get here," and he said, "Yeah, the home teachers would like it if you would clean up." His voice is pretty deep for a three-year-old and everything he says is so matter-of-fact that it's hilarious. All the people who watch him at the daycare at the gym think he's the funniest kid. He says things like, "I am going to get a drink now" or "I am wearing this orange shirt," and they crack up because he sounds like a little man talking. He thinks that he's basically on the same level as the adults around him and doesn't really notice any distinctions between us. He is very logical and once I explain something to him so that he understands, it stays in his brain forever. I told him months ago that he had to wear his seatbelt or else the police would pull us over and give us a ticket, and he immediately became dedicated to always wearing his seatbelt. And it's so fun that now we have real conversations and I am legitimately laughing all the time at him. Today at lunch, he was rolling around saying, "I'm SO starving, Mom. I'm STARVING. My stomach is STARVING." And this was after we'd already eaten lunch. He clearly had no idea what he was saying.

But he still says a few words wrong and I hope they stay that way for a long while yet. "Oatmeal" he pronounces "o-pomeal" (he eats it every morning and still doesn't notice he says it like that), "piano" is "panio," "ambulance" is "ambweewance." "Big brother" is "big brudder" (and he insists that we don't call him "big boy," ONLY "big brudder").

(On another note, I am kicking myself that I didn't put this picture on our Christmas card. What was I thinking??)

I am sure grateful for this boy--for both of my boys. I feel like my life is so FUN with them both. So much work but also a lot of fun and laughter.

Halloween pictures

I totally forgot that I hadn't posted any Halloween pictures on here--and I totally promised Grandma Myres that I would! Sorry, Grandma. I obviously haven't been very up on blogging lately. So here we are!

This year, I was thinking Dane might want to dress up as Thomas the Train or a firefighter or something. We even found a Thomas the Train costume in his size at the consignment store for $6. But I asked him if he wanted it and he surprisingly said no, he would just be Elmo again. He was so adamant about it that I said, well, sure. Luckily his Elmo costume last year was way too big, so it fit great this time. He was TOTALLY THRILLED and so was I, because that was way easy.

For our ward trunk-or-treat, we thought we would all dress up as a family--Dane as Elmo, Tommy and I wearing our Cookie Monster and Big Bird t-shirts, and we were trying to think of what we could do for Graham. We decided to just have him be a mini-cookie monster in a cookie jar in the front pack. We used the Cookie Monster hat Camille made for Dane and used cardboard to make a little cookie jar to go around him. He was SUPER CUTE in it but this was the only picture we got with him in it. We meant to get a picture with all of us but there was a huge baby diaper blowout and it was freezing and there was SO MUCH CANDY so we forgot.

Then we went trick-or-treating in our neighborhood. Dane was again the cutest Elmo.

And Graham wore the little black kitty costume that Dane wore as a baby--and TOMMY wore. Here's Graham looking adorable in it:

Dane (at six weeks old):

AND baby Tommy (at 11 months):

Does that not just kill you?? I LOVE it and am so happy that we have that.

They were some pretty cute trick-or-treaters. Dane was done trick-or-treating after about one street... Then he said he wanted to come inside. But it was fun nevertheless!