Something that has really surprised me about being a mom (among many, many things) is how many deep and contradicting emotions I can feel at once. It's amazing to feel so frustrated and yet so amused and impressed and flat out adoring at once.
Case in point: last night, Dane woke up crying maybe six times between midnight and 2 a.m., which he hasn't done in AGES, and every time when we went in there to put his pacifier back in and see what was wrong, he'd backed himself up into his sitting position in the corner of the crib and was crying for us to save him because he didn't know what he was supposed to do next. He's never gotten himself sitting up in his crib before, so it was so, so cute to see him sitting there pleading for help. And he was so snuggly and tired when I would put my hand on his head and rub his hair--I just wanted to hold him and rock him because he was so adorable. But it was after midnight, and why wouldn't he just fall back asleep like he always does? Why couldn't he just lie down after sitting up like he does all day long? (And then there was the added frustration of feeling like it was my fault, because I'd had the idea to go check on him before we had finished up in the kitchen, so I was pretty sure he'd been woken up by our noises.) But all I could say to Tommy after I crawled back into bed after checking on him was, "He is so, so cute."
I think I feel every emotion MORE since I've had him. It could be just the hormones, I suppose. The bad days are much harder than they used to be because I can't just check out and cancel what I was doing to take a break. But the good days are so much happier and sweeter than they used to be, when my good days were just me feeling good about finishing an assignment or doing something fun. And there are more good days than bad days. What a guy.
No comments:
Post a Comment