"humbled"

we left the hospital on monday afternoon at around 2:30, but we were back in the ER that evening. dane hadn't had any wet diapers for over twelve hours, and the nurses had instructed us that if something like that happened, we needed to call the on-call pediatrician at the hospital and make sure everything was okay. maybe dane was already trying to show us his sense of humor, because he decided to wait until we'd unstrapped his diaper and laid him on the scale in the triage room to show off his peeing skills. we were very, very relieved--doubly so because his slightly elevated temperature went back down after half an hour of being there and we could leave without the doctors trying to keep us to run tests and find out if he was actually sick.

two days later, though, he was pulling the same trick: no wet or dirty diapers for hours and hours, and he started acting extremely tired--"lethargic," as the nurse called it. he slept for six hours straight, despite my best efforts to wake him up and feed him--he would fall asleep after sucking just a few times. we'd figured out that this was BAD, from our instructions in the hospital: "feed him every two to three hours, round the clock. keep him awake to eat; don't let him fall asleep while feeding. he needs to eat every two to three hours." this time, we called our pediatrician and they told me to pump some milk and give it to him in a bottle, and luckily, after he swallowed that ounce of milk down, he perked right up and got right back with the schedule. and since then the wet and dirty diapers have come with a vengeance.

i can't emphasize how small of an incident this really was. even as i was crying my eyes out about it, i bawled to tommy "i know it's not that big of a deal! i know it'll be over in a couple of hours once we figure it out!" but even though i knew in my head how everything would be fine, oh, it sure was scary at the same time. i felt guilty and sorry and worried, watching my boy fall asleep while trying to eat again, knowing that he needed the food he was too tired to eat, not knowing what to do about it. i felt small and unprepared and totally unable to take care of this tiny baby--i realized how much help i truly needed if i am going to be a mom. i was so grateful that tommy was there, so grateful that my mom was there, so grateful that the pediatrician's office answers phone calls, so grateful that heavenly father answered my prayers for support and strength.

for the first time in my life, i really understood the meaning of the word "humbled."