finding out

i have a very vivid memory of february 27, 2001. i was at the seventh grade play--george m. cohen (ugh, don't ask--the worst decision of my life was to do musical theater as my elective in 7th grade)--and kate patton drove me home. when we got back to my house, i asked her, "don't you want to know what it was? come on!" and ran up to the door with her behind me.

my grandma myres came to the door, and i asked, "WHAT WAS IT!?"

and she said, "it's a boy!"

and i just stood there, saying, "a boy! a boy! i can't believe it!"

that's when baby cole was born. our littlest brother, the last baby in our family.

(p.s. this is unrelated to the point of this blog post, but i was apparently inseparable from baby cole. the only pictures that exist of me from this time period involve me holding cole. want some proof?)

i remember the absolute thrill it was to FINALLY find out what it was--if we had a baby sister or brother. we'd spend months betting on it and guessing and coming up with names (both boy and girl). i particularly remember fighting about names for the baby who became dallin--i wanted ezra or elizabeth. austin, who was only two, wanted to name the baby scar (like the lion king). or hat. we loved the surprise of not knowing who was joining our family until after he or she came out.

my parents never found out what they were having--not for all six of their kids. since we ended up like the brady bunch--three of each--it worked out pretty well.

and i always said that i wanted to do the same thing.

until i got pregnant.

who was i kidding? i'm the person who reads the end to EVERY book before i actually get to it--even when i already know the end (i just did it with gone with the wind last week). i pause movies when they're halfway done and beg tommy to tell me what's going to happen. i try to open birthday presents from our families that come in the mail the day they come--why bother waiting until my actual birthDAY? i always give tommy his presents early and beg him to open them so that i don't have to wait to see his face. i get grumpy when we're late to anything and count down the days for any date of consequence.

i'm not good at waiting. for much of anything.

and i'm ready to know what this baby is inside of me. i'm tired of calling it "it" and dreaming about baby names that might not even apply. i'm spending every spare minute of this week thinking about "it" and calculating the hours until the appointment.

the ultrasound is on friday. and we will be finding out.

(gender guesses are accepted!)