the woes of teaching

remember a few months ago how i posted about how much i loved teaching? well, right about now, i'm looking back at my inexperienced self and laughing. heartily. oh, my goodness, teaching is way harder than i'd anticipated back in august and september.

it's harder because i started off the semester with 20 students. and only 14 have made it to the last day of class. do the math, folks, that's almost a 30% attrition rate. don't ask me why. it's got to be some kind of record in the first-year writing program--NO ONE else in the program has lost more than one student.

it's harder because everyone stopped caring. half of my students stopped paying attention to me about 6 weeks ago. even i started drooping the week before thanksgiving and only JUST made it to class every day this week, telling myself, "three more days. i can do it for three more days."

it's harder because i've lost confidence in myself as an effective teacher. i'm not convinced that they've actually learned ANYTHING this semester. i'm hyper-aware of my flaws as a teacher, my inexperience and my tendency to shut down and flounder when i'm lecturing and they're bored, the problems in how i explained everything this semester. but luckily, all of the other TAs have been sharing the same feelings, so i know i'm not alone. it's just the woes of being a first-semester teacher.

but hey, despite the fact that it's been hard, i'm really excited about next semester. because i get to do it all over again--but better. i've got so many ideas to make it better and to be a better instructor, and hopefully i get a group of students who don't drop out one by one like the ones i got this semester.

and one of my students, as he was leaving class today (the last day of class), said, "thanks so much. you made english 101 at least semi-enjoyable!" i felt pretty good about that. even though it's not much of a compliment, it wasn't hate mail. (i'll just have to wait for the student evaluations for that.)