feminist.

i've been thinking a lot about this lately. clearly.

as a kid, i never doubted that i was allowed and encouraged to become whatever i wanted to be. i always felt like i was capable of doing anything. if i wanted to be a doctor, i could. if i wanted to wanted to be a stay at home mom, i could. i always knew i had the choice and that i should do what i wanted to do. i never felt restricted in my options because i was a girl instead of a boy. it was never a question in my mind that i was equal to the boys that were in my classes--i might not be able to beat them in the northwood jog-a-thon, but i for sure could beat them in a spelling test or our next math quiz. i'm really grateful to my parents for always fostering that self-confidence in me, because since i've moved away from home i've met too many women who never had that knowledge given to them.

so i've always thought that women are equal to men. this doesn't seem quite that radical to me. i recently read feminism defined this way: "if you believe in, support, look fondly on, hope for, and/or work towards equality of the sexes, you are a feminist." this actually seems quite logical to me--i strongly believe that this is true. and i think this goes right along with the doctrine of the church. we are all sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, and i have a hard time believing that He would favor his sons over his daughters. or vice versa.

so i guess i'm a feminist, and i like that.

but i mean, seriously, why shouldn't men and women be equal? we may be different, but we are quite capable of doing (almost) all of the same things (excluding birthing babies and other specifically physiological abilities). it seems strange to me that people today would disagree with this idea. and i don't think a lot of people today would, at least out loud or consciously.

but too many people at byu, both men and women, don't actually believe that. too many girls come to byu saying they want to go to college but actually just wanting to get married as soon as they can so that they don't have to actually work for themselves after they graduate. too many guys expect the girls to feel that way and get offended when they don't. it's okay if you feel that way--but not if you force it on other people who don't.

i've had people tell me that they thought it was a waste of time and money for me to go on to graduate school, that i should just get some kind of job to pay for tommy's grad school. because i'm a girl. (don't worry, tommy doesn't think that. at all.) i've had someone else tell me how he broke up with his girlfriend because she wanted to get a phd. because she's a girl. i have a great lds friend who's going to usc, who's cute and funny and spiritual and downright amazing, and the lds boys there don't date her. because she wants to be a doctor. and she's a girl, so who wants to support their wife going through med school? a girl in my english class had her advisor (a man) say to her, when she signed up for the english major, "oh, so what are you going to do? be a mom?"

because she's a girl. so what else could she want to do?

this is not okay. this is unfair and unjust and wrong. maybe she does want to be a mom. but how can you limit her to only one role? when a boy applies to a major at byu, i guarantee you no one, no one in the history of BYU, has ever asked, "oh, what are you going to do? be a dad?" if men and women are equal, then shouldn't women be able to go to graduate school without that kind of response? shouldn't people be celebrating that women want to go to graduate school and that they can go to graduate school? we aren't forced into doing anything we don't want to unless we limit ourselves. shouldn't people be celebrating that we have options?

i think they should. i'm not saying that all women need to go to grad school--people should be able to do what's right for them. and if it is more school or working or staying at home or all of the above at the same time--more power to you. i'm just grateful i live in a time when i can choose all of the above--because i want to get more school. and work. and be a mom. i want to do everything. so i'm going to try.