June.

I was just organizing the pictures we took in June, and we didn't do a whole lot this month. It was actually really nice, to just spend a month hanging out here at home in between two big trips in May and July. I feel like we got into a good summer rhythm this month. Here has been our routine every day:

9:00-10:00: Graham's morning nap. Dane and I do "preschool time," which involves a big calendar, scripture practice/story, math and reading worksheets and activities, and reading together. 

10:00-12:00: Go out and do something. Errands, swimming (I'm giving Dane "swimming lessons" since I never signed him up for any this summer), library, finding someplace for the boys to play.

12:00-1:00: Lunch and reading.

1:00-4:00: Naptime/quiet time, then playing around for a while.

4:00-5:00: Gym.

5:00-7:00: Dinner, playing with Tommy, bedtime routine.

It's flexible, some mornings I go to the gym at 8:00 so we can go swimming at the huge outside pool in the afternoon, some afternoons we don't go to the gym at all and just hang around here at home. But it is working SO WELL for us right now. It's so nice to know what to expect. The gym is what is really making this whole thing work; it used to be so stressful to try and find something to do every morning AND every afternoon, because these boys do not do well sitting at home too much. Graham especially needs to get out a lot or else he is CRANKY. I have felt very cheerful most of the time this month, even though it has been so miserably hot (we just aren't going outside very much unless it involves water, like the splash pad or the pool). The sad thing is that this nice routine has to change soon, because Graham will soon be growing out of his morning nap, which I have been expecting to happen for months now. But we will figure something else out once that happens. And I am actually looking forward to that, because then we will have the freedom to go a little farther from home during the day and not be stuck to just a 15-minute radius, haha!

So here's to thriving in the summer heat!

We love the Fun Club! We've been swimming here 1-2 times a week, and I am surprised at how I can manage both boys by myself. They have life jackets for Dane, and I just follow Graham around while he plays at the kiddie playground. There is absolutely NO DOWNTIME while we're there, but it is still a lot of fun. And they both get totally worn out, which is nice for bedtime.

Snowcones! 

We came out one morning and saw that our next-door neighbors had a concrete mixer in front of their house. OH MY GOSH!!!

Dane and his little buddy Preston walking into Primary together, holding hands. (I am now the Primary chorister, and I absolutely love seeing Dane in there with his friends.)

Graham is the quintessential baby brother. Always wanting to do exactly what Dane does.

When Tommy went on High Adventure for a week, we had to drive his car. Dane loved having the sun roof and asked to have it open every time we got in the car.

Here is Graham throwing a major fit, totally melting down because he couldn't get a snow cone immediately when he saw Dane having one.

We took this shaved ice maker from my parents' house and have been loving it! So fun.

Graham was being a cute model baby one afternoon last week.

Graham LOVES riding around on our big Thomas.

We were so happy to have Daddy home from High Adventure after a week being gone! That was a LONG week without him. But I did so much better than I expected! I felt great and had a lot of patience all week. (Definite blessings since Tommy was gone serving in his calling.)

We go to the library and this is all they want to do. I am trying to teach them that we should be picking out books and reading at our library--but it's hard because the layout of our library really does not focus on that. There are computers and iPads everywhere.

Dane gave Graham a pillow in his high chair and he was very serious about it.

Climbing all over Daddy!

I have been trying to be a little more creative with Dane and teaching him things, and not just doing worksheets or workbooks (although those are good too sometimes). He loved counting puff balls and gluing them down on this paper.

We tried this science experiment with milk and food colors and it didn't work very well. I didn't have the right supplies, apparently. But he had a blast mixing all the food colors into a murky brown, so we had fun anyways. I have really enjoyed looking things up for our "preschool time." He is going to be doing Joy School in the fall with some friends, but I am planning to still do a little bit of this with him the other days a week because we are both having a lot of fun. And Graham will be able to join in with us.

The weather just keeps getting hotter--bring it on, July! We are ready for it!

Mothering

When I teach my English classes, one of the main goals I have as a teacher is to get my students to slow down and think about what they are writing, to take the time to actually revise their work and decide whether they really wanted to use this word, or if they are making their point clearly enough here. I remember all too clearly when I was in high school or early on in college, just filling up whole paragraphs with empty sentences that sounded good but didn't actually mean anything. You get so good at knowing what "sounds" like academic writing that you just fill up the page to get to the page limit and never actually make any points. And a lot of times you can get away with that because your teacher doesn't care or isn't reading your paper closely enough. But I try to give them some examples and discussion and evidence about what professional writers do in their writing, and how when they write a book or an essay or an article, they don't put a single word in there that isn't chosen specifically for that place. They deliberate and revise and rework every paragraph, every phrase, every word. They are focused and deliberate writers making conscious decisions to communicate their purpose instead of just allowing themselves to get caught up in their own smart-sounding language and filling up their paper with empty words. 

I have thought a lot about trying to teach my students that in writing classes. But I've lately been thinking a lot about that principle in regards to being a mother. True writers aren't just writing down words--they are CHOOSING the best words for what they want to say. Being a "deliberate mother" is doing the same thing--not just reacting to whatever life and your kids throw at you, but choosing what you want to teach your kids and spending your time and energy on purposeful things that keep yourself and your kids sane and happy.

I don't feel like I've always been very good at that. For a long time--maybe the first few years of Dane's life--I felt like I was killing time a lot. Every week was a blank slate with nothing to do and we would just try to fill it up with anything free that I could think of. When we would be stuck at home with nothing to do I would feel like I was suffocating and so bored and just drained at the end of the day. And guess what? That is almost all exactly the same still. Our weeks are still pretty empty and I'm still scrambling to find things for us to do most of the time. But my attitude has changed. I no longer feel like I'm always just killing time and just waiting around to be relieved by Tommy when he comes home. 

Now that Dane is older, communicates so well, and learning/absorbing everything I throw at him, I all of a sudden can see how important being a mom is. How important my being here with him is. How I am teaching him everything about life, even without actively trying to do anything. We have been doing a little bit of "preschool" time in the mornings, which has been fun and valuable, but I don't even think that is all that important for me to be doing with him--not as much as the other life lessons he is gaining from me about how we should treat other people, how we should prioritize our time, how we feel about ourselves, and what our family values and what qualities I want him to have. Every conversation we have I'm teaching him something, even just through my tone of voice. This can be an immense pressure, since of course I screw up and get mad unfairly or lose my patience multiple times each day (some days more than others). But on the whole, I would far, far rather be the one instilling these lessons in him (and Graham) than someone else.

Good moms take their kids to eat at Chick-fil-A as much as possible. 

I have thought a lot lately about this, and I feel like my belief in the importance of mothering has grown significantly. I am trying to raise these boys to be the best that they can be--independent, smart, hard-working, and KIND. And I think I can do it--through making those deliberate, conscious sort of choices that I encourage my writing students to make. Tommy and I have been talking about specific skills and qualities we want to be teaching them--and if we talk about it, then we can actually set a goal and work on it together! I know I want to encourage Dane to love reading--so I will set aside specific times to read with him. I know I don't want him to be attached to technology or think that that is a really important thing in our home--so I will consciously choose to not spend as much time on the computer wasting time. (I have watched significantly less Netflix the last few months, and I have felt amazing.) I want my kids to have a testimony of the scriptures, so I will make scripture reading a part of our bedtime routine and even a part of our preschool routine. A lot of these sorts of goals take me just a small amount of planning and goal-setting at first, and then a small amount of effort afterwards, with great rewards of all of us in our family being happier and feeling more connected to each other. If I am sticking to these most important goals, then a lot of the other things--the lesser pressures to make perfect meals, never let them watch TV, monitor sweet consumption--become less important because I know we are making good choices overall.* I have the ability to control how I react to things, or how I fill up the page of our family.

I think being a mom--or a dad--is so, so important. My feelings about it have changed and grown significantly over the almost-four years I have been a mom. I love doing this and although it can be so, so hard and draining and demanding, I have learned and grown so much. If I look back to what I was doing three years ago, I can see very clearly how I have become better and more patient and more focused and less prideful--and I can only imagine that is a process that will only continue as we have more kids and they get older.




*I think an important caveat to make is that there are times and seasons to everything. There are whole months of life where I cannot be deliberate or purposeful or really do anything productive at all--like the early months of pregnancy when I am throwing up all day, or the first six months after having a baby when I am stretched thin. But when things are normal, this will be my goal.

A few resources that got me thinking about this and have inspired me:
A Joyful Mother of Children by Linda Eyre
How Will You Measure Your Life? by Clayton M. Christensen
Things I Wish I'd Known Sooner: Personal Reflections of a Mother of Twelve by Jaroldeen Edwards
www.powerofmoms.com

Reading with my boys

I have been thinking lately how much I love, love, love reading books with my boys. There are some "good mom" things that I don't like doing. Like, I don't really love "playing" with them--sitting and pushing a train around the train tracks for hours is just draining for me. And I'm not great at pretending or playing long extended games of hide and seek or telling really good bedtime stories--those are daddy's specialties. But oh, I love reading with them. It warms my heart to see how they both gravitate towards books so easily. Graham loves to crawl/walk over to the book basket in the corner and drag a book over to us to read to him--at least fifteen times a day. And as long as I'm not making dinner, I am always so happy to stop what I'm doing to read to him--because I just love that he loves to read with me. I sometimes get tired of the same books over and over again, but we keep a pretty good rotation going at the library, I get recommendations for books from a few websites and places, and when I get tired I just take them back to the library and we check out a whole new set of books.

But lately, the thing that has really been making me happy is reading chapter books aloud with Dane. He has really good reading comprehension (or listening comprehension) and he listens to Tommy's long, complicated bedtime stories with total delight. So I figured he may not need books with tons of pictures--and that he could handle a longer and more complicated plot that isn't resolved in a few minutes. I looked up what are some good chapter books to read aloud and we have been reading The Children of Noisy Village together, by the author of Pippi Longstocking, and I. Am. Just. Loving. It. Dane listens so happily and remembers everything we read the previous days and giggles at the funny parts, and it's such a cute story and reminds me so much of the books I read and loved as a kid. The chapters are very short and sweet and it just tells the story of these kids and their little adventures. Starting to read chapter books just opens up a WHOLE NEW WORLD of reading for us, and I just keep thinking of all the books I want to read with him! The Boxcar Children! Little House on the Prairie! Mary Poppins! Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle! Oh, man, the possibilities are endless. Obviously he's not ready for all of those but someday soon he will be. And I am just so looking forward to continuing reading with him, and with Graham. I hope that they continue to love to read this much as they get older. And I hope that I am able to continue to give them the time to help them and future kids learn to love reading.

Andddd.... we have walking!

Seriously. Is there anything as cute as a newly toddling one-year-old? I CAN'T EVEN HANDLE IT. I want to just watch him walk around all day long.

Murphy family reunion

It seems weird to call it a "Murphy family reunion," because that's what we call it when we get together with all the Murphys on my dad's side of the family--but I guess that's what this was! Just a Blake and Dana Murphy family reunion. My mom and dad got us some suites at the Newport Beach Marriott Villas, just 1/4 mile up the road from Crystal Cove in Newport Beach. It was fantastic. We all decided it was totally necessary that we get away from the house, so that everyone (mostly my mom) could relax and not think about packing, moving, writing a talk, learning Spanish, or all the other things they had to do. We were at the hotel from Thursday-Tuesday over Memorial Day weekend. The college kids and Tommy all flew in on Thursday night and that meant the party was ready to start. 

This was a HUGE weekend for our family. Bethany turned 18 on Sunday, and had her birthday party on Friday. Cole had his Eagle Scout Court of Honor. My parents (and Cole) had their farewell at church, which meant they were all writing talks and getting ready for that--and we had a brunch at the house the morning of the farewell for all the family that came into town. So there was a lot of planning that needed to be done! But it ended up going really smoothly and was a lot of fun for everyone. We spent a lot of time at the beach and swimming at the pool at the hotel, and we did some family volleyball and basketball at the hotel as well. In the evenings we played games and watched old family home videos of Bethany and Dallin as babies. It was a lot of fun to be together.

One thing I really wanted to do was to have a long day at the beach. Dane had never really been to the beach longer than just a few hours, because we were always going home for naptime. But he was at the beach for maybe eight hours on Friday, as we were preparing for Bethany's beach bonfire birthday party. He was a very, very happy and very, very tired boy by the time we got back to the hotel.

This boy LOVED the beach. He didn't care at all that the water was totally freezing--he wanted to walk right out into it. All day long.

This may be our Christmas card! One of those accidentally perfect pictures!

These two babies together--so cute.

Shane and Kiley came and met us at the beach, and stayed for the pizza and bonfire. Jaxon and Dane roasted marshmallows together.

Dane was so tired by this point he almost couldn't keep his eyes open.

Glad we got to see the HB Leiningers a few times while we were there!

The next morning we went to Crystal Cove beach and tried to see the tide pools. They ended up being not very exciting or interesting at all. But it was a nice walk on the beach anyways.

Dane REALLY loves Austin and Bethany. Bethany taught him how to make his hand like Spiderman's and he spent the whole trip doing that.

Then later in the afternoon, we headed back over to the beach to play some more. Graham spent a long time sitting in a pit right by the water, digging in the sand and getting covered in water. He LOVED it.

Then we went and ate at the Shake Shack--which Tommy and I have never done together. How can that be? It was delicious.

Dallin's a buddy too.

Sunday was a good day. Good job for Cole getting his Eagle--surrounded by all the other Eagles in the family.

The Eagle's Nest.

And we tried our best to take some family pictures before people had to start leaving--and we did get some good ones.

This one may also be a Christmas card winner.

We went up to Bethany and Cole's school to say good-bye to them before we took off on Tuesday.

Graham was very sad to say good-bye.

And then we went to the airport and flew home. I don't have pictures of saying good-bye at the airport, but we did take some. It was a really excellent weekend with everyone--not even because of what we did, but because we were all together. I am so grateful to have such a great family! And grateful that we all enjoy spending time together.