I found out on Saturday that my Grandpa Murphy passed away.
Halloween 2009 with Grandpa and Jolysa.
A favorite picture of me with my two grandpas.
I have always felt so lucky to have all four of my grandparents living, and even more so that I know them all very well. I remember being so sad when Grandma and Grandpa Myres moved to Utah when I was 16, because we loved their house in San Diego and couldn't imagine them living anywhere else. Well, it turned out that their move to Utah--and Grandma and Grandpa Murphys' move to Utah a few years later--was one of the best blessings of my college career, because it allowed me to get to know all of my grandparents much better than I had before. Although I saw my grandparents as often as we could growing up, I was never very invested in spending time with them or getting to know them because I just wanted to play with my cousins (and there were always cousins, at both of my grandmas' houses). I have good memories of such fun times at both of their houses, and good memories with them there, but I didn't truly get to know them until I was in college and started to come to their houses for cousin dinners and other things.
I loved, loved, loved cousin dinners while I was in college.
And Grandpa Murphy was not hard to get to know. He was strong-willed and outspoken and thick-skinned and funny and filled with advice (good and bad, sometimes) and super, super strong in the gospel. He had lots of ideas about dating, majors, speaking habits, careers, activities, and he liked to share those ideas whenever he could. He loved being with his grandkids and making us laugh by teasing us in turn. He never minded when we got mad at him and never held grudges (and he expected us to do the same). He felt no compunction about asking (forcing) other people to help him with any random projects he had in mind or specific requests, particularly his grandkids, like when he'd come up with random songs he'd make us sing during cousin dinners, or when he'd single-handedly organize a square dance in his basement and expect us to invite all of our friends and dates to square dance the night away.
Proof of the forced singing. Even my random friends who came over for dinner were forced to join in.
My friends and roommates would fight over who got to come to dinner at Grandpa Murphy's house next because of all of the stories we would tell about him.
He loved missionary work--one of the best places his complete lack of fear of speaking his mind came in handy. He also loved setting strangers up on blind dates (even if they were strangers to him) and didn't mind at all when nothing came of it. He was one of the most creative and inventive people I've ever known--he never met a problem that he couldn't come up with and implement a solution for it. He had lots of ideas and wrote them all down and published them in his many books. He didn't let his stroke stop his projects and publications.
Holding my two cousins (not his granddaughters) in his lap at my wedding.
So grateful Grandpa got to know Tommy so well too.
He annoyed me sometimes, like when I was 13 and he spent his entire week-long trip to California testing me on the conversion from Fahrenheit to Celsius, which I refused to learn just to spite him. Or when he would point out every time I said "like" in our conversations--basically any time in the last ten years since I was in college. (The last time we were in Utah, he kept pointing it out and then said, "Whoever next says that awful word will be asked to leave the table!") He never felt bad about being annoying, because I don't think he had that shame gene--in fact, I think he relished it. He liked to make his point--and he didn't want me to say "like" so often, so he would keep pointing out when I said it.
Saying good-bye to Jolysa at the MTC.
But he was super tender with me and my kids especially when he wanted to be. He would call me and say, "How's my favorite granddaughter?" And especially in the last few years, he would email me and tell me how much he loved the pictures from my blog. He told me a lot of times how he was proud of me and thought I was doing great things. And those things stand out because of how they aren't necessarily the norm for him, since he's usually teasing and correcting. I loved bringing my boys to meet him. He always wanted to hold them and talk to them, even when they were tiny.
Meeting Dane for the first time.
I am so glad that Grandpa got to meet Tommy and that Tommy knows him. He and Tommy were good friends, and he loved getting Tommy's input on things. He would call him and ask him for help for techy questions and any time we were there he would make Tommy go help him in the yard (like he would every man who walked through the door). I like to joke that Tommy was his favorite grandchild, even though he wasn't even his actual grandchild--although that was really just because of Tommy's major in statistics (which was Grandpa's preferred major for a while), and probably because Tommy never was offended or put off by any of Grandpa's ideas or jokes.
Even though Grandpa loved Tommy, it didn't stop him from telling us all along our dating life that he thought I was too young. The second time he ever met Tommy, he brought him outside onto his deck for an interview of sorts, in which he told Tommy he probably shouldn't get very serious with me because I was too young. He repeated that advice throughout the next year and never gave it up. At our wedding dinner, my dad unsuspectingly gave him the mic to let him talk. Grandpa grabbed it and just said, "Waaaaaaiiit. Waaaaaiiit. Waaaaaaaaaaaaiiit." (He was never allowed to speak at any other grandkids' weddings.)
I forgot about this moment until I found these pictures. Dane found some random CDs and was very interested in playing with them. Grandpa dug around until he found some that Dane could keep and play with on his own. Dane was very serious about it and it was very cute.
Grandma and Grandpa singing "Grandkids are precious" and "Wrinkles" at a family reunion. Bethany had that first song memorized. I always loved our family reunion talent shows.
Grandpa was always up for a game of any kind. It was a requirement that if you were at the Murphys' house for the evening, you had to play a game.
No shame playing Minute to Win It at our family reunion.
He loved trying to convince people to take a ride in his wheelchair. I remember him taking Bethany for a ride when she was like 15. This was him taking Dane at almost 2. Dane looked very uncomfortable.
It meant a lot to me that we could do Graham's baby blessing in Utah last year, because both of his grandpas and both of MY grandpas were able to be in the circle when we blessed him. There was so much power and love in that circle.
It seems so sad that any future in-laws and great-grandchildren won't know Grandpa or understand him and our stories about him. Because Grandpa Murphy is legendary, and it's hard to picture him without having met him. It's hard not to love him once you understand him. It's sad to me especially that my kids won't remember him. But I guess this is the circle of life. And we have a lot of pictures as proof that they met (as you will see below; I scoured my computer for all the pictures I have with him).
Eating his J-Dawg's hot dog at his 80th birthday party last year. Another party I'm so glad we were able to go to.
I think that one of my favorite trips there was this summer, when I spent a few days at their house all by myself with my two boys. It was so memorable because Dane was old enough to finally make connections with all of my grandparents and to have full-on conversations with them. Here is Grandpa introducing Dane to his missing finger (a classic Murphy moment).
A neighbor had this super old car out in front of their house and Grandpa wanted to go down and show it to Dane.
Grandpa loved his garden--harkening back to his farmer days of his youth. Any time we were there in the summer (or in the fall, as a BYU student) he'd get us to help in the garden. We picked raspberries a few years ago and Dane remembered doing it so well he wanted to do it again.
Helping with the watering.
Graham was not a fan of getting a ride on the wheelchair.
We got to talk to Grandpa for a long time one afternoon, and I used our videocamera and recorded the sweet conversation between Dane and Grandpa. He told him all about his farm and what he did growing up on it. He showed him some pictures of his farm on his computer and Dane was duly impressed.
I was lying on the couch feeding Graham his bottle before bed and Grandpa came over and insisted that I let him take a picture of us because he loved how happy we looked right then. It was very sweet. Grandpa really loved these great-grandkids. He loved talking with Dane, and he wasn't bothered at all by the screaming of the two toddlers walking around his house when we were there in September. Every time Graham or Cora would waddle into the room where he was he would light up and say, "Hiiii!" I loved it.
I have to say that I did cry a bit on Saturday after hearing the news. It is the first time someone this close to me has passed away, and I felt so sad that I hadn't had a chance to say good-bye. But I did get a lot of chances to see him in person this summer, in July and September--I really did make an effort to get to see him, knowing he wasn't doing very well. And I am so grateful I did, because these trips will really stand out to me now. But even though I was sad, I also felt so happy for him, knowing how his body has failed him the last ten years. Ever since his stroke, he has been frustrated in not being able to do everything he wants to do, and it's been easy to see how he has gotten weaker and weaker over the last few years especially, particularly when we would only get to see him once a year when we came back to Utah. I teared up a bit thinking of him walking around painlessly, and playing basketball again like we used to. I bet he is just loving his body being freed from the difficulties of mortal life. I knew, even just after he died, even while I was sad and shocked, that he was being reunited with his parents and family up in heaven and that he is happy to be there. And I know still that we will see him again someday. It is a very bittersweet thing to say good-bye to him. I am sad that we won't be able to be there for his funeral tomorrow, but it's obvious that it wasn't meant to be for us to be there.
We sure love you, Grandpa. You made us laugh and you're still making us laugh as we remember everything you did in this life, and you're making us cry as we think about you being gone.
My mom asked us to write down a few of our memories of Grandpa and this was what Tommy and I came up with:
Me:
-Playing basketball with Grandpa during our family reunion basketball tournaments. For several reunions in a row, Madsen, Grandpa and I were on a team and we always won. I loved playing with him.
-Grandpa always liked to quiz me on the conversion from Fahrenheit to Celsius when I was 11-14 ish and I HATED it. It always made me so mad.
-Grandpa sent my senior picture (along with Aubrey's and Jolysa's) to the priests in his ward asking if they would like to take us out on dates. Many of them ended up in the dorms with me a year later and recognized me at BYU.
-Grandpa liked to tell me that I only signed for the English major because it was "easy." He also told me I only became worthwhile once I married Tommy (because he was a statistics major).
-Our square dances in their basement. He made us all invite people and was very offended when there wasn't an equal number of boys and girls. And after a few HOURS of listening to the caller and doing square dances he got mad when we all wanted to be done.
-One year around Easter (maybe when I was a sophomore at BYU) he set up an "Easter Egg hunt" in their yard, but really, it was a bunch of rocks that he'd strewn around the yard and wanted us to pick up. And then he somehow turned it into a matchmaking thing where he wanted us to bring the eggs down the street to introduce ourselves to his neighbor's grandsons.
-Playing Rook, Quiddler, any sort of card game.
-He was so sweet with my boys this summer. Every time Graham walked into the room he would light up and say, "Hiiii!" He spent a long time talking to Dane about his finger, about his farm, about working in the garden.
-At our wedding dinner the night before our wedding, Dad gave him the microphone and he says, "Waaaaaiiit. Waaaaaaaaiiiit. Waaaaaait." He thought I was too young to get married. He was never allowed to speak at any other grandkids' wedding dinners afterwards.
-All of my roommates and friends at BYU would fight with each other to get to come over to Grandma and Grandpa Murphys' house for cousin dinners. Everyone wanted to get to meet Grandpa Murphy and to see his humor firsthand.
-His "Jokes You Can Tell In Church" book.
-The window with floating pictures of his kids, and the grandkids looking down into his bathroom.
-His work on the composter and experimental hand soap and flushable wet wipes. He always made Tommy come help turn the composter.
-I remember at one family reunion putting stickers all over his face (and then all over everyone). I don't remember why.
-The Abraham Lincoln mask at a family reunion.
-I remember Grandma and Grandpa coming to visit us in our Lindberg house, and Grandpa got some mortar and re-did the bricks on our planters in the front yard. For some reason that stands out to me.
-When I was a sophomore, Grandpa called me and insisted that I talk to all the boys in my ward and ask them for old ties so that he could put them together and make a curtain to go in between his bedroom and his office. I just went to DI and bought some instead.
-Grandma and Grandpa singing "Grandkids are special" at family reunions.
Tommy:
-The second time I met him, we did some yardwork and had dinner, and then he pulled me outside and we had a long talk about my intentions to date Alyse and how to be a good intern at Hewitt that summer. He told me that I shouldn't get serious with Alyse because she was too young. Alyse was sitting inside with Grandma and cousins and cringing the whole time.
-Going to McGrath's Fish House with both sets of grandparents (G and G Murphy and G and G Myres) and Grandpa asked the waitress for buttermilk. He was very disappointed that the waitress didn't have any. Then he tried to set Alec up with the waitress.
-Tommy's siblings came over for dinner and he made Kristen come over and give him a huge when she was leaving, and he pulled her in and gave her a big kiss.
- One time Kristen was with us at Grandpa Murphy's house and Dallin also happened to be there (might have been when he cam to help us get ready for our move to NC). They both happened to be in the living room with Grandpa and Grandpa asks them, "Kristen, have you met Dallin??" (in a suggestive, match-making sort of way). To which Kristen responds, "Yes, and he's 16! He's 8 years younger than me!"
- At our wedding dinner, Grandpa Murphy said to Callie (just turned 13), "Have you heard of ldssingles.com? You should check it out...it's great!"
- Grandpa always hassling Alyse for saying "like" all the time even though she was an English major.
-Playing Rook, Quiddler, any sort of card game.
-He was so sweet with my boys this summer. Every time Graham walked into the room he would light up and say, "Hiiii!" He spent a long time talking to Dane about his finger, about his farm, about working in the garden.
-At our wedding dinner the night before our wedding, Dad gave him the microphone and he says, "Waaaaaiiit. Waaaaaaaaiiiit. Waaaaaait." He thought I was too young to get married. He was never allowed to speak at any other grandkids' wedding dinners afterwards.
-All of my roommates and friends at BYU would fight with each other to get to come over to Grandma and Grandpa Murphys' house for cousin dinners. Everyone wanted to get to meet Grandpa Murphy and to see his humor firsthand.
-His "Jokes You Can Tell In Church" book.
-The window with floating pictures of his kids, and the grandkids looking down into his bathroom.
-His work on the composter and experimental hand soap and flushable wet wipes. He always made Tommy come help turn the composter.
-I remember at one family reunion putting stickers all over his face (and then all over everyone). I don't remember why.
-The Abraham Lincoln mask at a family reunion.
-I remember Grandma and Grandpa coming to visit us in our Lindberg house, and Grandpa got some mortar and re-did the bricks on our planters in the front yard. For some reason that stands out to me.
-When I was a sophomore, Grandpa called me and insisted that I talk to all the boys in my ward and ask them for old ties so that he could put them together and make a curtain to go in between his bedroom and his office. I just went to DI and bought some instead.
-Grandma and Grandpa singing "Grandkids are special" at family reunions.
Tommy:
-The second time I met him, we did some yardwork and had dinner, and then he pulled me outside and we had a long talk about my intentions to date Alyse and how to be a good intern at Hewitt that summer. He told me that I shouldn't get serious with Alyse because she was too young. Alyse was sitting inside with Grandma and cousins and cringing the whole time.
-Going to McGrath's Fish House with both sets of grandparents (G and G Murphy and G and G Myres) and Grandpa asked the waitress for buttermilk. He was very disappointed that the waitress didn't have any. Then he tried to set Alec up with the waitress.
-Tommy's siblings came over for dinner and he made Kristen come over and give him a huge when she was leaving, and he pulled her in and gave her a big kiss.
- One time Kristen was with us at Grandpa Murphy's house and Dallin also happened to be there (might have been when he cam to help us get ready for our move to NC). They both happened to be in the living room with Grandpa and Grandpa asks them, "Kristen, have you met Dallin??" (in a suggestive, match-making sort of way). To which Kristen responds, "Yes, and he's 16! He's 8 years younger than me!"
- At our wedding dinner, Grandpa Murphy said to Callie (just turned 13), "Have you heard of ldssingles.com? You should check it out...it's great!"
- Grandpa always hassling Alyse for saying "like" all the time even though she was an English major.
