I know it's A Thing for bloggers and people on Facebook to post what they're grateful for every day of the month of November, which is a nice exercise and all, but I'm not going to do that because I would not remember to do it every day and then feel stressed about starting something I didn't finish. But I do want to give a shout-out to the fact that this is the month of gratitude.
I was explaining to a friend today about how I don't feel any desire to go back to school and that I definitely don't want to get a PhD. This friend is in a PhD program right now, and I didn't want to make her think I judged her decision at all, so I was trying to explain how my experience with my master's program has just turned me off from wanting to sign up for more school ever again (or at least that's how it feels right now). How it was a great program but that I just felt like my life was so pointless, that I was studying and writing about things that were useless and would never be helpful to anyone, that I hated, hated, hated every stupid paper I had to write and every stupid class I had to sit through. How I cried nearly every Sunday night because I had to go back to school the next day, and just how unhappy I was with my life. And I remembered how unhappy I really was! How every day I felt like I was just dragging myself through everything, step by step, just dying to get to the weekend when Tommy and I could relax and not think about school any more.
I had really, truly, forgotten how sad and tired and depressed I had been, having to drag myself through the rest of that program. (Not that my life was really that bad, folks. I just hated this one aspect of it.) And I realized WHY I had forgotten it--because I am so much happier with life now.
It's not that I just love Dane so much and it makes this new phase of my life where I'm a stay-at-home mom all magical and wonderful. It's not the cute moments that Dane and I have hundreds of times a day that make me happy with my life (although those are great). It's not that there aren't lots of bad days and hundreds of frustrating, terrible moments where I have to learn to control my temper (because there are many of those). It's not that I think being a stay-at-home mom is the be-all and end-all of motherhood for everyone (because I really think that every woman and mom should be able to choose what she wants to do).
I don't really know what it is, but I just know that I am so much happier now than I was in school.
And I am so, so grateful that I feel that way and that I am able to have this life that makes me happy.
1 comment:
It makes me so happy too. I felt the same way about teaching. I dreaded Mondays and lived for the weekends. There's something about feeling fulfilled with your children. I hate being so cheesy and lame, but I look at my kids and literally feel like they are the most important thing I've ever accomplished.
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