staying at home

dane wearing his first pair of jeans yesterday. way too big, but way too cute.

chubby cheeks on their way to church last week.

you know, before you start staying at home with a baby, you just wonder, "what am i supposed to do all day?" and you very quickly figure out that you're doing basically what you did before--keep the house clean, make dinner, do the laundry, run the errands, etc.--but adding on the jobs of feeding the baby, changing the baby, playing with and interacting with and teaching the baby. you do everything you did before, but it takes 3 times as long to do it all. it's a billion times more fun having that baby around than just staying at home by yourself, but it's also much more exhausting. and really, i'm not sure why. dane doesn't move yet; he doesn't cry at all unless he's begging to be put down for a nap; he's almost always happy to just sit and watch me cook or clean or exercise and he's ALWAYS happy whenever i'm talking to him or reading to him or playing with him. and i love doing it! but for some reason, most of the time, by the time tommy gets home i just really want/need to take a bath.

i'm always having it reinforced to me that the only way to not let things drag and end up feeling blah by the end of the day is by staying busy. keeping things picked up, doing the dishes, exercising, going for a walk, going to the library, reading our books again, making dinner instead of just lounging around. it's the days when i think i'm too tired or too busy to exercise or shower or make dinner that i end up feeling worst at the end of the day--so it's in everyone's best interest if we keep moving! it's just that the days where you need to do that the most are the days where you want to do that the least. it takes a lot of willpower, a whole different mindset--since i'm not being forced into activity by school-related deadlines, i have to force myself to do stuff without anyone else caring or watching. because that's when i'm happiest.

sometimes, i get overwhelmed thinking about the future, realizing that this is what i'm going to be doing for the next however-many years, and this is the easiest it's ever going to be, with just one baby. it's really, really intimidating to think that far ahead. the only cure for that kind of thinking is to quit thinking about it and just enjoy the here and now while we've got it. which i really do think we are doing. speaking of which, there's that baby boy now, waking up from his nap--i'm going to go snuggle him and feed him some more.